think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
