tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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