He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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