Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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