i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
