well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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