thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
