dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
