My friends, they love my intelligence
I faked an abortion last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
