wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
