Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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