I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
