ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
