Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
