I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
