you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
