I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
