I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
