Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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