When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
