Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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