I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
