Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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