So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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