brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
