i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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