my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
