...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
