do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
