omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
