I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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