My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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