Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
