Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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