I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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