I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
