he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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