Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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