I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
