Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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