I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
