I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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