Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Green mimosas i think yes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
