she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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