I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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