can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
