Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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