Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
