I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
