I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
