She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
