Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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