Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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