hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
