my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
