A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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