nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
