Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
