I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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