you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
