Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
