i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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