how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
