i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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