her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
