i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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