she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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